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Learning to Be Polite in English
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Being polite is more than just saying "please" and "thank you." It's about understanding when to use certain words and how to ask for things nicely. Let's learn how!
Asking Nicely
When you ask someone for something, it's called a "request." You have to think about:
· Who you're talking to
· How well you know them
· If they can easily do what you're asking
This helps you choose the right words.
Examples
Let's pretend you need help with homework. If you ask your friend, you can say:
"Can you help me with my math homework? I'm really stuck."
But if you ask your teacher, you should say:
"Excuse me, could you please help me with this math problem when you have time?"
See how it's more formal with the teacher?
Examples in the Workplace
Let's pretend you need a day off work. If you ask your coworker, you can say:
"Hey, can you cover my shift on Friday? I really need the day off."
But if you ask your manager, you should say:
"Hi [manager's name], I was hoping to request this Friday off if possible. I'm happy to make up the time over the weekend."
See how it's more formal with your manager?
Now let's say you need a report from another department. When asking the head of that department, you should say:
"Good morning [name], when you have a moment, would you be able to forward me a copy of last month's sales report? I'd really appreciate it."
But if you are asking your coworker, you could say:
"When you get a chance, can you send me the sales report from last month?"
Attention: Do not say "I want...." when making a request at work. For example, don't say, "I want you to give the update for the bug fixes." Instead, you should ask, "Could you give the update for the bug fixes?" It is more polite.
Formal Request
Here is a formal request made to someone whom you don’t know very well, and who is a manager in your organization:
Employee: "Excuse me, Mrs. Jones. I've completed the sales report you requested. When you have a moment, would you mind looking it over and letting me know if you need me to make any changes?"
Manager: "Thank you, John. I appreciate you getting this to me so promptly. I'll review it this afternoon."
Being polite and thinking about who you're talking to goes a long way in the workplace!
Tips for Learning
Here are some tips to practice polite requests:
· Learn words like "imposition" (how hard your request is)
· Read real conversations and notice how they ask politely
· Make up your own conversations and practice different requests
· Ask someone if you chose the right words and listen to their feedback
· Keep practicing and you'll get better each time!
The Bottom Line
Being polite isn't just about a few magic words. Pay attention to who you're talking to and what you're asking. With practice, you'll be a politeness pro in no time!
References:
1. Reviewed on October 16, 2023: https://www.ecenglish.com/learnenglish/lessons/polite-requests
2. Zhu, W. (2012). Polite requestive strategies in emails: An investigation of pragmatic competence of Chinese EFL learners. RELC Journal, 43(2), 217-238. https://doi.org/10.1177/0033688212449936
